I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Guys? Who needs them. Not me nor you nor anyone. You can do everything by yourself and without worry of flaws from someone else and without trying to impress someone. But if you do decide to go for guys, play hard to get. Make them chase you. Something new I'm gonna try. This guy messaged me on facebook the other day. Said he wanted to get to know me and stuff. He keeps trying to impress me and I kinda like it. Talked to him every second for two days. Of course he texted me first. But he didn't text me the next day. Did I text him. Heck to the no. If he wants to talk to me or misses me he can pick up that phone and talk to me. He hasn't for two days. Looks like I was nothing to him.Oh well. On to the next. (: High school boys are duuuuumb. They can't play with my heart anymore. It's still young. <3 <3 Soooo done. If he wants to leave then I'm surely gonna let him. Bye bye boy. I'm the girl here. I'm the one in charge this time. (:

LEAVE.

Have you ever noticed that when people are drinking/drunk that they seem to say the words that they would never have the courage to say when they are sober? No? Well maybe you didn't seem to grow up in the same environment as me, or maybe you did and you never relized it. Whatever the case is, it completelly and utterly sucks. No, it doesn't suck. It's dreadful, one of the worst things you could ever imanage times ten. If you think about it my family is just one huge mistake. Sometimes I wish I wasn't here or that I was put through into a better family. You know one of those that are on tv. But no. I was stuck into this one where almost everyone is messed up. You see I was born to an acholic. My father that is. My parents where never married, but I did find out that for the first ten years of my life my mother was being hit by my dad. One of the most crule things a man can to do a person who has been loyal to him and gave him two amazing babies. I think it is one of the nastiest things that someone could do to their wife. But yet I still love my dad more than anything. I don't look at him as one of those people and I feel so judgemental because if anyone else did that I would be gone to them. But not him. My mom sounds pretty inasent here huh? Well she's not. I remeber her being gone and out doing drugs. I later found out that the first ten years of my life where of my parents being kids still. But if you looked at me right now and where I am in life and how I act you would not be able to tell I was raised by people so hidious. So everyone on my dads side of the family I'm pretty sure smoke weed. But the people at my school that do it I call names and will never ever be saw talking to them. And on my moms side they all are acholics. And I'm talking get drunk everynight. The kids at my school that do this also wouldn't be caught dead talking to me. You see I judge everyone when they could all be judging me. I lived in a trailor until 6th grade. About 7 people at my school know about that and that's it. I still remeber where I come from. No I do not speak badly to those of which live in trailors now. I have moved into a different house every years since 6th grade. Sometimes twice a year I will move. My mom can't seem to stay with guys. So my dad is a cook and doesn't get me anything that I ever need because well he's top prioiorties are still achole and ciggeretes. And my mom doesn't have a job. We live in a house with her boyfriend and his kids. Everytime he drinks he treatens to kick us out. I am so sick of this life. I never know when I'm going to have to pack up again and move. I wanna be able to do something anytime I want to. I want to be a better person and and I want to grow up. I am so completely done with this life. I am ready to leave. There is no way to express how I am feeling and I always feel like I am the strong one of the family. I can't take it. Sometimes I just wanna cry. I couple mothes ago I tried cutting my wrist. Because everyone that is in pain does that right? Well I felt dumb. I couldn't do that to myself. I don't know what to do. And now that I'm rereading this I just sound like I want attenchion so I'm gonna stop here.

Lesson.Learned.

I know I'm not completely over him. He still crosses my mind several times a day, but with each one of those times, a feeling of contempt also passes through my heart. Maybe if this happens enough, my heart will become completely hardened to him, and I'll get to the point where he doesn't affect me anymore. Well atleast I hope. I do think about him... a lot and my friends dont help much with that because they are constantly talking about him also. Its really annoying that I want to get over a boy that I never even dated. I think its funny to see him though. Because now that he has played me again I see him all the time. Everytime we pass in the hallway I just start talking with my friends and we start laughing, he gives me the puppy eyes all the time though. I hope that he sees how good I am without him. And I really hope that this new girl that hes dating was really worth losing someone like me. I can honestly say though, If he started talking to me again, I would flirt back and give him another chance and wathc him screw me over slowly again. But you live and you learn so if I still let him do it, I havent learned anything yet. I do have to thank him though, he gave me one of the best years of my life, he made me relize what I want in a guy, but most importantly, he tought me how to not fall so fastly for someone.
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So track has been everyday this week so if I am not on here for awhile I am really sorry.

Can't.Get.Over.Him.

I texted yet again today. This time he texted back though. I made an excusse to text him. I told myself that I needed to tell him about the volleyball games. What the heck is wrong with me that I have to lie to myself to text him? Things really bad are  going on. I shouldnt be doing this. Its pathic.

Sports.Sports.Sports.

I can honestly say I have no idea how people do not play sports throughout their school lifes. Thats all I do. People dont do anything and I'm in everything it kind of scares me. ahahh. Anyways sports are good for many things, welp, atleast for me. They can help you gain a bunch of things like new friendships and just feeling better about yourself. Personally I'm a flirt! Thats what I like to do, but I dont really like to date because it makes things offical. Anyways with sports you can talk to as much guys as you want and ever kick some of their butts if your fast like me. Hahah. I always face people in hurdles. They are my favorite thing to do for track and its my first year doing them. All of my friends do them to because I wanted someone to do them with me. But the great things about sports is that you dont have to have friends in a particular group or activity because you make a bunch of new ones. I also like sports because you get to meet a lot of new people in grades higher or lower than you which is going to be helpful in highschool. Welp, what I am trying to say is everyone should try atleast one sport because no matter how big or small theres one for everyone.

Few.Favorite.Quotes.

1)Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie underneath the start and listen to your heartbeat, and who will stay awake just to watrch you sleep.Wait for the guy who will kiss your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand iun front of your friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without make-up on. Wait for the guy who will constantly remind you of how much he cares for you and ow how lucky he is to have you, and who will turn to his friends and say, "That's her."

2)If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you won't give up. If you give up, you're not worthy enough for her.

3)You always say you hate to see me hurt, and you hate to see me cry. So all those times that you hurt me, did you close your eyes?

4)If you love me let me know, if not please gently let me go.

5)I don’t forgive people because I’m weak. I forgive them because I’m strong enough to know people make mistakes.

6)Never ask "What's wrong?" if you dont really care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there. Never hold my hand if you going to break my heart. Never say you're going to if you never plan to start.Never look into my eyes if your going to lie. Never say hello if you really mean goodbye. Never say "I love you" if you don't really mean it. Because I might do something crazy, like actually believe it.

7)If a woman asks you a question, it’s better to tell her the truth because chances are she’s asking you because she already knows the answer.

8)One day you’re gonna want her. That girl that knew she wasn’t perfect, but tried to be for you. That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could. The girl who saw your flaws, but valued them as much as your strengths. That girl who still can’t bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserved it. The girl that should have you, but doesn’t.

9)Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. Give her sperm, she will give you a baby. Give her a house, she will give you a home. Give her groceries, she will give you a meal. Give her a smile, she will give you her heart. So if you give her crap, be ready to receive much more than what you're giving her

Yup, I texted him again. What the heck is wrong with me? I lied to myself about a reason to text him. I'm freaking lost without him. This legit sucks. What can I do to keep him off my mind and out of my life?