LEAVE.

Have you ever noticed that when people are drinking/drunk that they seem to say the words that they would never have the courage to say when they are sober? No? Well maybe you didn't seem to grow up in the same environment as me, or maybe you did and you never relized it. Whatever the case is, it completelly and utterly sucks. No, it doesn't suck. It's dreadful, one of the worst things you could ever imanage times ten. If you think about it my family is just one huge mistake. Sometimes I wish I wasn't here or that I was put through into a better family. You know one of those that are on tv. But no. I was stuck into this one where almost everyone is messed up. You see I was born to an acholic. My father that is. My parents where never married, but I did find out that for the first ten years of my life my mother was being hit by my dad. One of the most crule things a man can to do a person who has been loyal to him and gave him two amazing babies. I think it is one of the nastiest things that someone could do to their wife. But yet I still love my dad more than anything. I don't look at him as one of those people and I feel so judgemental because if anyone else did that I would be gone to them. But not him. My mom sounds pretty inasent here huh? Well she's not. I remeber her being gone and out doing drugs. I later found out that the first ten years of my life where of my parents being kids still. But if you looked at me right now and where I am in life and how I act you would not be able to tell I was raised by people so hidious. So everyone on my dads side of the family I'm pretty sure smoke weed. But the people at my school that do it I call names and will never ever be saw talking to them. And on my moms side they all are acholics. And I'm talking get drunk everynight. The kids at my school that do this also wouldn't be caught dead talking to me. You see I judge everyone when they could all be judging me. I lived in a trailor until 6th grade. About 7 people at my school know about that and that's it. I still remeber where I come from. No I do not speak badly to those of which live in trailors now. I have moved into a different house every years since 6th grade. Sometimes twice a year I will move. My mom can't seem to stay with guys. So my dad is a cook and doesn't get me anything that I ever need because well he's top prioiorties are still achole and ciggeretes. And my mom doesn't have a job. We live in a house with her boyfriend and his kids. Everytime he drinks he treatens to kick us out. I am so sick of this life. I never know when I'm going to have to pack up again and move. I wanna be able to do something anytime I want to. I want to be a better person and and I want to grow up. I am so completely done with this life. I am ready to leave. There is no way to express how I am feeling and I always feel like I am the strong one of the family. I can't take it. Sometimes I just wanna cry. I couple mothes ago I tried cutting my wrist. Because everyone that is in pain does that right? Well I felt dumb. I couldn't do that to myself. I don't know what to do. And now that I'm rereading this I just sound like I want attenchion so I'm gonna stop here.